i feel queasy today. flu-like intestinal unrest. it could be the chinese food i ate last night...it is unlikely that it actually is a bug, because i haven't heard of any going around right now.

it could be stress...my birthday and her birthday are days away and i dread the idea of living through them without her. that could be the reason for the terrible knots i am feeling in my gut. (i'm long overdue for a vacation...so i'm not as resilient as i should be.)

on top of feeling icky, i feel sadness. all my life, whenever i felt bad, i called her. and the reminder that she is not there hits a little harder when you are feeling the "galloping gollywobbles" — as she would have described them.

i'm trying to turn it around and concentrate on the blessing that i had in my life...to have a mummy who, up until her last breath, made it her first priority to make her children feel good. physically and emotionally. without fail.

she was delightfully lovely. and so funny. and she made all of us feel like we were "the best thing that ever happened."