a year ago, today, my life was normal.
for the last time.
a year ago, tomorrow, maura called me and told me that mom backed the car into the garage. she crunched some garbage cans and cracked the frame of the garage door. maura ran outside when she heard the noise, mom got out of the car and walked upstairs and got in bed.
it was odd at the time. maura took pictures of the mess and sent them to me. nervous laughter ensued. then, i sat at my desk and cried. then i booked a trip home. i knew something was terribly wrong. i called to tell mummy...but she still had "laryngitis" so i told her, through maura, that i'd be home in little over a week for some made-up social event. i had to make something up because i knew that she would tell me not to come if i told her i was just coming out because i was worried.
now, i know that she already knew. she knew she had lung cancer. she knew that the tests that would tell the whole story were scheduled for the next day. she knew that she was going to have to give us the horrible news. and she turned into the driveway and she was overcome by pain and she crashed into the house and got out of the car and went upstairs and crawled into bed. so she could just have the last few hours before this all blew up.
and i knew something was wrong. and on october 3rd, i booked a flight that i never took. because on october 4th, i learned she was sick and took a red-eye. but now, as i continue to roll things around in my head, i find comfort in these two things: when she was in trouble and was afraid to tell anyone, she knew i was already on my way ... and when i sensed she needed me, i bought a ticket before she had to say it.
my mummy and i knew each other. so well.
